I normally let Megan do the posting here but today I wanted to write too. Since last week we when heard that this little boy could be ours I began to love him and hadn't even seen a picture of him yet. He was going to be ours for as long as God had planned. I dreamed of how fun it would be to go in the back yard and toss the football or baseball or to have my son sitting in the jump seat as we travel across this great country!!! All of this was so close but yet so far!
When Megan called me this afternoon to tell me that the placement wasn't going to happen I was somewhere in Illinois and heartbroken. It felt as if my child died today and I never had the chance to see him/her. I got off the phone and proceeded to beat my steering wheel into submissions screaming at the top of my lungs at God! Why are you doing this to us???? We have done everything we needed to do and yet nothing is going right. What are you trying to tell us?? I realize things don't happen on our time but on Gods time, but my patience is starting to run thin!! Our child was right there and in an instant he was gone!! Why??
They said this process was not going to be easy and they were right. It has been the most rewarding at times and heartbreaking at other times. I know that God has our special gift of children out there and we just have to be patient and wait for his timing and I will continue to praise him in this storm!!! It has been a major comfort today to know that we have so many of you praying and hoping along with us. Reading your comments has brought me tears on many occasions and Megan and I really appreciate it. On that I am going to say good night to our son or daughter where ever you are tonight. We can't wait to meet you! We love you with both of our hearts! I can't wait to be your dad with lots of hugs and kisses!!!!
Lord the fields have been planted and we are waiting on the rain!!
Todd
Todd: Very honestly and well-written. You have captured the dynamic of waiting on the Lord in both its agony and confidence. Bless you for sharing. It will rain in God's time, which is always right.
ReplyDeleteTodd, I am Praying for you both. I cried when I read Megan's post then again when I read yours. I can't imagine what you are both feeling by having been sooo close..truly heart breaking. I do understand your questions of why? as I ask it daily and the why us? why can't we have our family as easily as others do? Why must we face the heartache and sadness and wanting... Why can some have children who don't even WANT them yet here we are YEARNING for them and can't have them.. While I still do not know these answers and will continue I am sure to ask God Why? We can take comfort in knowing that we Serve an Amazing, Wonderful God and His Plan is Perfect.. The waiting period sucks..simply put..its agony..heart wrenching.. and those who haven't had to go through it can't understand it! but oh the JOY and Appreciation, and thankfulness we will have when we are one day holding our children! Please know that you are not alone! Thinking of you both often and lifting you in prayer. Love in Christ, Alisha and Matt
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