Waiting on the rain !

I normally let Megan do the posting here but today I wanted to write too. Since last week we when heard that this little boy could be ours I began to love him and hadn't even seen a picture of him yet.  He was going to be ours for as long as God had planned.  I dreamed of how fun it would be to go in the back yard and toss the football or baseball or to have my son sitting in the jump seat as we travel across this great country!!! All of this was so close but yet so far!
  When Megan called me this afternoon to tell me that the placement wasn't going to happen I was somewhere in Illinois and heartbroken. It felt as if my child died today and I never had the chance to see him/her.  I got off the phone and proceeded to beat my steering wheel into submissions screaming at the top of my lungs at God!  Why are you doing this to us???? We have done everything we needed to do and yet nothing is going right. What are you trying to tell us??   I realize things don't happen on our time but on Gods time, but my patience is starting to run thin!!  Our child was right there and in an instant he was gone!! Why??
    They said this process was not going to be easy and they were right. It has been the most rewarding at times and heartbreaking at other times.  I know that God has our special gift of children out there and we just have to be patient and wait for his timing and I will continue to praise him in this storm!!!   It has been a major comfort today to know that we have so many of you praying and hoping along with us.  Reading your comments has brought me tears on many occasions and Megan and I really appreciate it. On that I am going to say good night to our son or daughter where ever you are tonight. We can't wait to meet you! We love you with both of our hearts!  I can't wait to be your dad with lots of hugs and kisses!!!!


 Lord the fields have been planted and we are waiting on the rain!!    

Todd

The roller coaster continues...

It was a very long holiday weekend waiting to hear about our little boy! We got some really great news this morning! CCHO called and told us that the case worker decided that we were the best fit for him and that I would need to pick him up at the county building this afternoon/evening after the custody hearing was over! I ran out and got a booster seat for the car, some pj's for tonight, a tooth brush and tooth paste for him and some shampoo and body wash. I also grabbed a couple groceries because I had just planned on eating left overs all week but I didn't think he would like that. When I got home I finished cleaning up the kitchen from the busy weekend, did some laundry and finally sat down to eat lunch. Shortly after I finished that I got a call from CCHO again telling me that the court hearing was over. Then everything came crashing down. The judge decided to give mom a few more weeks to work through the things she needs to do to keep him. She will go back to court later this month. Staying with the birth parents is always the goal with foster care, but it really sucks for us right now.

I thought we were finally past all these emotions! I cried and cried and poured my heart out to God last night about wanting to be a mom so bad and about this little one that we were waiting on. I also asked for peace if the answer was no. Right now I sure don't feel any peace about this! I feel like I did when we first started trying to get pregnant a couple of years ago. I used to get really hopeful and excited every month. Then when I would see a negative pregnancy test month after month, I would be crushed. I feel like this whole weekend was leading up to the "pregnancy test." Then this morning I got a "positive test" finally! Now I just feel like I've had a "miscarriage." I guess in a way it is kind of an emotional miscarriage. We are having to deal with feelings of loss right now for the child that was so close to being ours. I guess that's the best way I can describe how we are feeling right now. I know that God has everything under control and that He already knows the children that will one day join our family, but it really sucks having to go through all this pain and emotion while we wait on His perfect time.

We will continue to pray for this little guy! Who knows, we might get him later on this month depending on what the judge decides. In the meantime, we would really appreciate all your prayers during this time! Prayers for peace and patients for us, prayers for safety for the little guy, and prayers for discernment for the judge in a few weeks!

Thanks everyone!

Megan

Another placement!

I received a call today about another placement. This time it was only for one child!! He is 6 1/2 years old and will probably be a permanent placement right away. We won't know that until some time next week though. (In case you are wondering what that means, a temporary placement means that they might go back to be with their birth family, if their parents can work through the case plan that the judge gives them within the time frame that he/she sets for them. If they can't do that then they become a permanent placement. If they are a permanent placement right away that means that you will be able to adopt them after they have lived with you for a minimum of 6 months.) I really can't give any more details about him on here because of the HIPAA laws. Anyways, after I got off the phone with CCHO, I called Todd so we could talk about whether or not we thought this would be the right placement for us. We said YES!! We feel that he would be an awesome fit for our little family and we would love to have him as our son! Now we wait again...Our home study was turned in today to his case worker in the county he is from. She will review it, along with any other matches they have for him, and let us know, probably on Monday, if she thinks we are the right family for him. If so, it sounds like we will get him next week. About 10 minutes after I got off the phone with Todd, he received a phone call from a friend asking if we could use any boys clothes sizes 5-9. If that's not a God thing, I don't know what is!!! So we are hoping and praying that maybe that was a little sign from God telling us that they will choose us to be his parents. :) If not though, that's ok too. That just means that God has some different little ones in mind for us. While we are waiting for the news, we would really appreciate all of your prayers for the little guy as he waits to be placed with his forever family, whether that's us or someone else. Also that God would give us peace as we wait for the news, and for peace and comfort if the answer this time is no.

Thank you all so much for following our story!! Hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!

Megan

Samples of pre-adoption photo shoot!

Here are just a few samples of our photo shoot from yesterday! The pictures turned out great! We hope you enjoy them as much as we did!!!

Exciting Weekend!

This weekend was very busy and exciting in the Fisher household!! On Saturday we had a good friend come over to take some "pre-adoption" photos of us. She did a fantastic job!! We LOVE the photos and can't wait to get them printed to put up in the house!!!

This evening while we were waiting out the storm in the basement, we noticed an email from CCHO with our first placement offer. We were super excited at the thought of our first possible placement! They knew it would be a stretch but decided to ask us anyways. The placement was for a sibling group of six little girls, ages 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, and 9, and they are up for adoption right away! Immediately we started thinking of how we could make this work. We would need a mini van, 2 sets of bunk beds, lots of girl clothes and toys, school supplies, 4 car seats, a bigger dining room table, plus more money to feed all these mouths! After considering all these things and trying to come up with a way to make it work, we decided that it isn't the right placement for us. We wouldn't be able to give these girls all the things they need and deserve. As much as it breaks our hearts to have to say no, there is a family out there that God has chosen for these precious girls, and they are better suited to take care of them! I'm sure we will think of these girls often and wonder how they are doing! We will continue to pray that they have found a good, loving home where they could all stay together! We are going to sleep and pray on it to make sure that we are making the right decision.

We would appreciate your prays, as well, for discernment and wisdom in making the right choice now, and in the future with the next call. Also, please pray that if these are the kids that God wants us to take, that he will show how to make this work!

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!!!

Todd and Megan

Waiting...

The last post was called "WOO HOO." It should have been called "Almost WOO HOO" lol. We had both the safety audit and the fire inspection of our new home done on Oct 28th. During that time we were told that Todd had one more class to make up that was some how over looked. The class was offered that Thursday, the 31st. Todd talked to his dispatcher and he said he would try but there wasn't a lot he could do. The next time the class was offered wasn't until the middle of December. We were both really upset, not at Todd's dispatcher or CCHO really, just at the situation. We were both feeling very out of control at this point. We thought everything was going along great and then we were hit with this speed bump in the road. Todd got to the office on Wednesday to pick up his paper work for his new load which was to deliver in Iowa on Thursday evening. Everyone in the office could tell just by looking at Todd that he was very upset about having to wait even longer to make up the class. A little while after he left, his dispatcher called and told him to turn around and go back home. Apparently, the owner of the company, Tim, had seen Todd when he was in the office. When Todd left, Tim came out and asked the dispatcher what was wrong so he filled him in. Tim called the company that Todd was supposed to deliver to and made arrangements so that Todd could deliver at noon on Friday instead. He understands that this is the only way we can have kids and he is willing to do whatever it takes to help us! That's a lot more then we can say for the company Todd was working for in the spring of this year! We love working for this company!!! God truly blessed us with it and we have both agreed that Todd will be working there for a very long time! So, Todd made it to his class that Thursday evening! While Todd was at class he was informed that we needed to change something about the house. In the nursery, there is a big window frame, but no glass. If you look over it, you will see the stairs. This was a safety issue so we had to put in a piece of plexiglass. However, it couldn't go all the way to the top of the window sill, because then it wouldn't have any "fresh air ventilation" in that room...all these rules! (This was installed yesterday!) Right after class was over at 9 pm, he left and drove all night long to get to Iowa by noon on Friday.

So everything got turned into CCHO for review on Monday of this week. Again, we thought everything was good to go but we were wrong. We had to fill out a new financial statement because Todd makes more money now and since we moved, our rent and all our utilities changed. We had to have more of Todd's pay stubs and more utility bills because more time has past now. Also, we had to show proof that we have changed the address on our renters' insurance policy and have another reference form filled out from one of Todd's past supervisors. Thank goodness he was still in touch with her on Facebook! I delivered the last of the paperwork to CCHO this morning for final review. As long as I don't get another call before the end of the day today telling me that we need something else, our home study report and all our paperwork will be turned into the state today!!! So now we are just waiting for our license to come in!! They call this the "third trimester" of adoption...the waiting process.

More good news, we are all settled into our home now! I still need to unpack the office and the craft closet and take everything from the garage to the attic. Otherwise, we are all unpacked, pictures are hung, and decorations are put up. The kitties are all settled in at feel at home now. They have been running around like crazy playing with each other and their toys! Oscar's favorite place to lay is on the back of our new recliner and Izzy's favorite place to lay in on the steps going to the upstairs. They love looking outside to see what is making all these noises they never got to hear when we lived in the city!

Please pray that all the paper work will get passed through the state smoothly and quickly and that we will have our license in a week or two! Also, please pray for our patience as we wait for the license to come in and as we wait for the call telling us they have kiddos for us!!

Thanks everyone!!

Megan

WOO HOO!!!

That's right! WOO HOO!!!! Todd finished his last pre-service training class yesterday!! Let's say it again...all together this time!!! WOO HOO!!! :) :) :) What a huge sigh of relief!

There are only a few things left to do before everything can be turned into the state. That would have been the last step but since we are moving next weekend we thought we would just wait until that's done. We have to have a safety audit and a fire inspection done at the new house. Those will both be done on Monday, October 28th. Then, finally, everything will be turned into the state! Then we wait for our license to come in the mail!

We are so excited! Just wanted to share that tid bit quickly! Hope everyone has a blessed Sunday!

As always, prayers for this process to move quickly from this point on, for our patience, for the kiddos that God has planned for us, and also for our move next weekend!

Thank you all for following us on the long, sometimes stressful, but awesome journey that the Lord has taken us on!

Megan

Good News!

We passed our safety audit today!!! I also turned in all of the paperwork that I was able to. Feels so nice to have more things checked off of the list!!! Only a few things left to complete. We both need to get fingerprints and background checks done, I need to wait for two more utility bills to come in September and Todd needs a few more classes. Then we will be finished!! I see a light at the end of the tunnel!!!

More VERY exciting news!!! We found a house!!! This is a huge stress relief for both of us! The duplex we live in now was fine for the two of us, but once we get kids in there I know we would be pretty cramped. Plus there isn't a dining room for us to all eat together as a family. The new house has everything we have been looking for! I big kitchen, compared to what we have now. It has very nice, very cabinets and real hard wood floors. Also has a dishwasher which I haven't had for a long time now so that's exciting! It has a very nice bathroom that was renovated a few years ago. A nice sized dining room and living room. A master bedroom on the first floor and 2 other bedrooms upstairs. There is also another room upstairs that will be used as the play room. There is a very nice, rustic, country style finished basement with a wood burning stove and a pantry type place for all my canning stuff to go. Todd is in love with the entire basement! He wanted it to be his "man cave." (HAHAHA!!!) That will be the family room. There is an attached garage, which we have never had before. Very exciting! Plus there is central air which we have missed!! There is a very nice back porch which will be nice for sitting watching the kiddos play in the yard which is a little over 1 acre!! We will be renting the house for now but in a few years there is the potential to buy it.We won't be able to move in until probably the beginning of December which works out fine for us. That way I can wait for my garden to finish producing vegetation. :)

Everything seems to be falling into place all at once. It was very frustrating trying to find a house to move into. All of them were out of our price range, too small, wouldn't pass inspection, or they wouldn't take our cats. We knew God had a plan for us though. We thought it was just to stay put for another few years. Then I got a text asking if we were still looking. And that's how everything happened. We are just so thankful to God for His timing and for all His blessings! We don't deserve any of them but we are so grateful to know that there are more on the way...that would be the kids!!

As always, thanks for the continued prayers for everything to continue going smoothly!!

Megan

Almost Done!!!

Finally, I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel!! There's only a few items left to mark off of our checklist. I was able to accomplish a lot last week. I found our marriage license, which is a good thing to have any ways, we passed our fire inspection, we got mattress covers for the 2 beds (which is required), and we bought a safe for our gun and a separate lock box for the bullets. The people we chose to be the gaurdians of our children, if something should happen to us, gave us their answer this morning (yes you have to have named gaurdians before you can get your license!). I also made a scaled drawing of our house, made copies, and used highlighters to map out the fire escape plan and tornado safety route and I have them posted in each room of the house. I'm not sure if they have to be posted in each room, but it looks much nicer this way! :) We also had to put locks on the cabinet doors where we have our cleaning supplies. We have been very busy with all of this lately!!

What's left on the checklist you ask? We have our safety audit next Wednesday. You have to show two months of paid utility bills and who ever keeps those? Not this girl! So we have one month of bills to give them, but I have to wait for the September bills to come in. We also have to show proof of residency in Ohio for the past five years for each of us. Again, who keeps their utility bills that long? "Not I" said the wife! I called Verizon and requested one bill from each of the past 5 years be sent to us but only Todd's name is on those. So I called our electric company and they are sending a paper telling what addresses they provided service for us and which dates we had service through them, which has been for a while now. Those will have only my name on them. As soon as that comes in I can check that off the list! We both need to get finger printed and have the doctor fill out a paper for each of us saything that we are physically able to be good parents. There is one more thing on the list that I can't remember right now. And lastly, but maybe most important of all, Todd has a few more classes to take STILL!!! He was supposed to take them in July but they got cancelled because not enough people signed up for them. The next set of classes aren't offered again until October, however, we don't want to wait that long since we will be finished with everything else long before that. So CCHO has agreed to do the classes one on one with Todd so we can get things finished up and turned into the State of Ohio. Then all we have to do is wait for our license to come in the mail!!

Here is some big news...a few months ago when first started this process, we heard about these two little girls that were available for adoption. They are with a foster family now, but the family wants to foster other kids so they don't want to adopt. We didn't really think much of it because we were just getting started. Well, they are still available! They are sisters, ages 5 years old and about 6 or 7 months old. Best of all, they have red hair and the 5 year old has glasses! :) We are hoping to adopt these little ones. Once we get our license, we will start going through the matching process to make sure they are a good fit for our home and that they are going to adjust well with us. So far, I have surprised myself. I'm very chill about the whole thing, even though it is exciting to think about the possibility of an instant family. If they are still available when we are done with our licensing, then great! Hopefully we will be a good fit for them. However, if they have already been placed with an adopting family or if we aren't a match, then obviously God has different children that will be a better fit for us.

Well, that's it for this time! Hopefully sometime in September we will be back on to tell you that we are licensed!!!

Until then, continued prayers are always greatly apprectiated!!!

Megan

Second Home Visit

On Friday, June 21st we had our second home study visit! It was much shorter this time. Alicia was probably only there for 30 minutes maybe. Once again, I cleaned the house from top to bottom and she didn't leave the living room. :) I know that one of these days I will clean the house for a good reason!!!

We have also scheduled 2 of the 4 classes that Todd has to make up and those are both in July. We are hoping to be finished with everything and have our license by August or September. We are so excited to be moving along in the process!!

We are still looking for another house to rent. We thought we had found one but that might not work out after all. We are still waiting to hear more about that. Prayers that we will be able to find something with plenty of space for our soon to be growing family at a price that fits into our budget would be greatly appreciated!

We also would appreciate all your prayers that we will get through the licensing process quickly!

We will keep you posted on any updates!!!

Megan

First Home Visit

     Well we are happy to say that we have started our home study process!! We had our first meeting with our home study assessor, Alicia, on Wednesday, May 29th. Luckily Todd was able to make it home, literally, just in time! He arrived about 5 minutes before Alicia did. But we were glad he was able to make it! That's one less thing he has to make up later.
     We were really nervous going into the meeting. We really weren't sure what to expect. I spent the entire week prior deep cleaning the house! We also changed our office into the nursery the weekend before. That was an adventure!! Todd managed to break our desk. (mental eye roll!) Other then that, the transformation was pretty much smooth sailing and now we have a nursery! Anyways, after all that hard work, of course, she didn't leave the living room!! We just sat there and answered 2 1/2 hours worth of questions! It was very invasive and personal. As much as I love talking, I HATE talking about myself!!! But I made it through. Todd lucked out big time. She asked me all the questions first so he had a chance to think about his answers ahead of time. We have scheduled our next home study visit for June 21st which will be the safety check.
     We are really excited to be moving forward and making progress in the adoption process!!! Thanks for all the prayers so far and as always, continued prayers are always welcome and greatly appreciated!!! We will keep you all posted about the next meeting!!

Megan

Progress!

GOOD NEWS! We are moving in the right direction!!! Actually, I'm just excited that we are moving in the process at all! I feel like we have been on hold for the last couple years, starting from when we were trying to get pregnant so it just feels good to be taking some steps forward in expanding our family! I am half way done with the pre-service training classes that we have to take! We each need a total of 36 hours of training and I've got 18 hours done so far! I have tomorrow, next Tuesday and Thursday evenings, and next Saturday to go yet and then I will be finished! Can't wait to add a check mark to our long list of things we have to get done! On the other hand...Todd only has 9 hours done so far. He will not be able to make it tomorrow and won't be there again until next Saturday (hopefully!). It's very frustrating that his boss isn't willing to work with us so he can be here for at least most of the classes! It's very upsetting for me because he doesn't understand that this is the only way we can have children and these are the steps we HAVE to take to get them...not like it's an option, it's a requirement! So anyways, he will have to make up the classes he is missing over the next few months when they are offered on Saturdays in the surrounding counties.

All of this baby stuff is very emotional for me. I'm very excited that we have adoption that we can turn to but that doesn't make dealing with infertility any less emotional and painful for me, especially since the reason we can't get pregnant is because of me. As blessed as we are to be able to travel down this road of adoption, I still have a deep desire and longing to have our own natural child and be able to experience pregnancy and child birth. I've really been struggling with this lately! If you've never gone through infertility before you won't understand this, but not being able to get pregnant, emotionally feels like a loss. Sometimes I feel like I've moved past that and I'm only focused on the adoption. At other times, however, like the last few weeks, something triggers it for me and I have to deal with it all over again. I think what triggered it this time, may have been starting the pre-service classes because I feel like it's completely closing the door for me to ever be able to get pregnant because once we adopt, we won't have a need for our own natural children. As I'm sitting here writing this, crying uncontrollably, I feel ungrateful to God for giving us this blessing of being able to start our family through adoption, and selfish because I still want our own kids, along with our adopted kids. I go back and forth so much! I don't do well with not feeling in control of my emotions and the things we have going on in our lives. Like I said in an earlier post, I'm a control freak! I would appreciate anyone who is willing to pray for me and my emotions in trying to get through this. To make it worse I'm "nesting" like crazy! I've been working very hard to get the office, soon to be nursery, cleaned out so we can have another check mark on our to-do list. It's quite a chore to get all this accomplished without any help from my husband. Since he is gone all week long, the last thing he wants to do when he is home for 34 hours is help me organize and I want him to have time to relax! I have mostly everything organized, but now I have to figure out where I can move my office to. I've been having so much fun looking on Pinterest to get decorating ideas for the nursery!! :) Also, we have decided not to move unless we find something really great in price that's at least 3 bedrooms. It's just so much of a hassle to have to move so we will stay here for now.

To end, I wanted to put the link to a song that I've been hearing on the radio a lot lately. It's called "Strangely Dim" by Francesca Battistelli. It really hits home for me. God always puts the perfect song in my life right when I need it! When I heard this song a few weeks ago, it just reminded me that even though my emotions are going crazy right now, God has a plan for us...a PERFECT plan!! I don't know what it is, but He does! My favorite part of the song is towards the end where she says, " I don't know what tomorrow may hold. But I know, but I know, that You're holding it all." I need to fix my eyes on the Lord and put all my energy into growing in my walk with Him and trust that He will give us children in His perfect time, not mine. Anyways, here's the link...LOVE THIS SONG!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DG9NeP0CLc&noredirect=1
(if you scroll down, the lyrics are typed out under this video!)

Thanks for reading and for all your continued prayers and words of encouragement for us!

Megan

Yesterdays Meeting...

So we met with Rhonda at the CCH yesterday afternoon. The meeting went so well!! She said they don't get very many moms that come in to make an adoption plan, but they do on occasion so that could be a possibility. She is going to get us approved for adoption and at the same time we are going to get qualified for foster-to-adopt. When we looked into Summit County for foster-to-adopt, there was a minimum age range of 0-5 years that we had to be ready for (buying beds for the different ages, etc), and they were kind of rude. We just didn't feel that Summit County was a right fit for us, which is why we were sort of glad that we weren't able to take the classes through them last year. For CCH, there is no minimum age range that we are obligated to choose. We can select the age range that we are comfortable with and when they receive a child that fits what we are looking for, they will call us. Of course, the greater age range we are able to accept, the more quickly we will get a call.

On our way home we talked about what we were both comfortable with and we decided that we would be willing to accept sibling groups, up to 2 children, no older then 4 years old. That way we have a greater chance of getting called sooner, but they are still young. We can also request that one of the siblings is still an infant. So maybe we will be going from 0 to 2 kids in the same year...that would be exciting! :)

Since we might be taking on more then one child, we are looking for a bigger place! We only have 2 bedrooms right now, which is ok, but if we can get moved before we have to do the home study, that would be better. Otherwise, there are parts of the home study we would have to repeat. We would like to have at least 3 bedrooms and a dining room, so we can all eat together as a family, instead of on the couch in front of the boob tube. We are looking in Wooster (preferably), but we are open to Orrville, Smithville, or Dalton as well. Please let us know if you know of anything that would fit our needs!!

We will be starting our pre-service classes in march, then we will move on to the home study. We both feel that this is where God wants us to be right now. We are continuing to pray for his guidance through this whole process and that he will lead us to the child or children he has already chosen for us! Your continued prayers are always appreciated too!

Todd and Megan

Update...

Well, sorry we haven't updated for a while but we have sort of been on hold for the last few months. As I said in our last post, we were getting ready to start the foster-to-adopt training classes. Well we never did get a chance to start for a few reasons. I was going to start them without Todd, but my car wouldn't start and I missed the first class. Something else happened (I don't remember) and I missed the second class. Then we had a conflict with Todd's work schedule. We were told that he would be able to be home for the Saturday classes, but when it came down to it, they made him leave on Saturday afternoon and he would have missed the class. So we haven't been moving forward at all.

Last week, I was looking on the Christian Children's Home (CCH) website to see when their next foster-to-adopt classes started again, since no one has gotten back with me yet. I happened to stumble upon something that said they have a private infant adoption program. I was so excited! I knew they had an adoption program (without having to foster first), but I didn't know that adopting privately and being able to choose just an infant was an option.I sent an email right away to the person in charge of that. Surprisingly she got back with me the same day. She sent me some information and we set up a meeting with her for this coming Friday at 3:00 so she can answer any of our questions and talk to us a little bit more about the program. We are so excited! Maybe God didn't have "public adoption" in His plans for us at all. Maybe He only led us in that direction so we would discover this program at CCH. I don't know, but we are praying that this might be what He has in mind for us, and if it's still not it, that He will light the way and guide us to where His plans are taking us.

We appreciate all your prayers as we continue down this long, frustrating, and emotional road to add a child to our family!

Megan